Dear Customer Service,

Thank you! I bet you don’t hear that a lot! But thank you for so many things. It’s time that someone gave you a shoutout and truly appreciated you for all you do. Thank you.

Thank you for doing a job that would be obsolete in a slightly different kind of society, and will be obsolete in a few years when everything can be done with auto-responses, templates, and an improved supply chain management approach to returns.

Thank you for helping me with things that aren’t important and I don’t need, even though the blunt way I talk to you is probably super rude. Thank you for telling me things that I don’t deserve to hear, and giving me the time that would be better spent on almost anything.

Thank you for telling me things that I already know, don’t need to know, or can figure out myself, because I don’t want to do it myself.

Thank you for responding in a primarily efficient way, the way that I wish everyone in my life would respond to me. Thank you for getting right to the point because you want the interaction to be over as soon as possible. Thank you for not really being concerned with small talk or politeness.

Thank you for listening to or reading my sassy complaints and dramatic stories that are irrelevant to whether or not you can help me. Thank you for acting like you read it or listened even though that’s likely not the case, I mean come on.

Thank you for giving me discounts, refunds, or free things even though I would have been truly happy just to receive the response. Thank you for giving me expired credits back in double. Thank you for giving me refunds that are not really necessary, or free months of your service, just because I’m upset.

Oh, and thank you for giving me a job.

Many, many thanks,

Dollissa