How to Embrace Compulsive Spending

Do you try not to spend a lot of money, in stores or online? Do you try to be fiscally responsible all the time, striving to make your mom and dad proud? Do you fear overdrawing your bank account, owing money on credit cards, and ultimately experiencing a crushing bankruptcy?

Well, fortunately for you, I am an expert, on everything, and boy do I have some advice 4 u.

gurl u gon spend that money

Just follow these simple steps and you’ll be on your way to wallowing in piles of fresh new fantastic belongings in no time.


It’s important to budget your income and spending. Having an intimate knowledge of how much you have coming in on the monthly will enable you to spend, spend, spend, and then pay off your bills jussssst in time. Also figure in the possibility for overdraft fees and have enough to cover those as well. If you have a landlord who is understanding and lenient, why not take advantage of that? If you have to go without a few meals, you earned it. Going out to eat is expensive anyway! The joy of food lasts just a short while, but it takes about five hundred years for plastic items to decompose! That’s a lot of whole lifetimes of joy!

Select Worthy Stores

We firmly advocate supporting the “mom and pop” shop and small entrepreneurs anywhere. It always costs more, but it feels so NICE to know you are helping people to be independent and to follow their dreams! Some stores are very specific, and those are fun. Some are so small that they don’t even have credit card readers! Always have cash in your pocket. Always! Visit to get all the details.

Get Things for Your Friends, Too! Heck!

If you get to the point where you feel like you might finally have everything you really need, and can’t drum up the enthusiasm to continue to collect more belongings, then start buying everything your friends didn’t even know they wanted! Buy weird novelty things that people would never dream of buying for themselves. How else would they ever get them!

Sign Up for Sale Alerts

Most stores and sites will have a sign up sheet that will take your email address down so that you can be put on their mailing list. This is so that you can be up to speed on what kinds of sales are happening, and when. Facebook pages are also good for this kind of information. Get that newsfeed filled up with sales announcements! It is what everyone loves!

Don’t Bother Putting on Pants Ever Again

So many physical stores have internet stores, as well. Some internet stores are only on the internet and aren’t yet IRL establishments (although we can hope). The best parts of shopping online are manifold:

  • not being breathed upon
  • not having to hear people
  • no chit chat between customers
  • no chit chat at the register
  • no screeching child strangers
  • no more need to wear pants, or any clothes at all

Get More Credit Cards

Credit has its limits and that is why you should obtain as many credit cards as are available to you. I have been led to believe that credit is rooted in ancient Latin and translates to “free money, no more worries” so there is no going wrong on this one. Every “pre-approved” credit card offer you get in the mail should be accessed. Even the ones from untraceable banks that look for all the world like they could be a scam – those too! After all, how could they be a scam? That would be illegal! Someone will cover for you if you are conned. That’s why we have laws. Use a new credit card to pay off another credit card so you do not incur hefty penalty fees or ruin your credit.


Good luck!

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