How to Properly Honor Someone

Honor, stalk, creep out — whatever you want to call it, this loving activity that you can do publicly or very much in secret, with the subject being a dear friend, acquaintance, or total stranger, is a cathartic creative process. We of course know all about what to do and how to do it with a mastery of style and much enthusiasm and we would like to teach you, the whole world, how to do it too.

In my demonstration today, I will use our friend, Frant. It is his birthday and he is deserving of all of the heavy-handed, cloying, and terrifying respect that we can lob his way. The goal is to make anyone you wish to adore feel like they are drowning in it, if they were to find out. “It” could here mean “the pleasure of being worshiped” or “the fear of being trapped somehow.” Different people give rise to different scenarios, but we know that unlike cchris, Frant will enjoy this. At least HE HAD BETTER.

we love you


Talk About Them Incessantly

Sometimes the object of your attention is very attractive, or sometimes they are very funny. Maybe they are mysterious or perplexing or any other number of possible characteristics. You should mention them to everyone else as much as possible. In this way, you create a legacy for them that they might not ever know about. Is there anything nicer than to be an oblivious legend? In other cases, like say if you are Dollissa, you can talk TO the object about themselves. Tell them everything you do or know. I know how that feels, and I like it.


Keep a Folder of Their Photos

If you aren’t taking the photos via a long zoom lens, you could simply be taking the photos from any of their social media accounts that you have access to. These photos will keep you warm at night as you tell them your troubles and stare at them adoringly.  In fact, you can use these photos for any craft or hobby you can dream up. No one minds. Well, the person might mind, but they don’t have to know. If you ever get to the point where you can safely tell them, go for it.



Write an Article Featuring Them

Whether or not you ever let them know that they are the subject of an article is up to you. Imagine their surprise, though, if they find out years after the fact — wouldn’t that be an exciting day for them! We usually are brazen and let our objects know immediately. Sometimes, you might even make an entire site just to honor someone. If any of these things are done out of a deep love, then it is probably okay and welcomed on some level. I guess I should say that for every recommendation here, you might be creating evidence against yourself for a restraining order, but isn’t that just part of the thrill of the hunt? Hunt! What are we hunting for? Our prey is just “making another person feel glad that they know you.” Let’s not forget that!


Paint Their Portrait

I found out kind of recently that people can be flattered by having a free portrait done of them. Be sure you are a decent painter or else this will become a nightmare for all concerned! If you aren’t confident in paint, may I suggest that you take another route such as illustration, poetry, or to make a song for them? You sure don’t have to give these things as a gift — keep them for yourself! Hang that portrait in your study, or incorporate it as part of your inevitable altar. Listen to your weepy songs as you drive to and from errands. Keep those poems locked away in your paper diary, tear stains from either longing or joy. We won’t judge. By the way, don’t judge this painting I am making of Fran — it is about halfway finished as of the publishing of this article. But you can bet I am going to finish it soon and it will be on display for all to see.

its ART


Make a Nifty Little Altar

Since I mentioned an altar, I should make it a section! You can either take your photos and make a collage or take those sketches or sculptures or portraits and create a neat little shrine. Put some candles in there. Perfect. You can pray or simply make wishes. You can show it to them, in fact I think you should. As soon as their eyes land on it, time the sound of the door locking behind them to correspond directly with their comprehension of the scene before them. Delicious. Their emotional reaction can only make your altar stronger, for whatever purposes you see fit!


Wear Them Like a Coat

Wait that might sound scary… By this of course we only mean that you should copy their fashion styles. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. … Anyway, a Frant coat probably wouldn’t fit me comfortably — but a girl can dream.

Sneer Back

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