There are as many forms of divination as there are ways to live a life. Tonyana soothsays for us all once monthly by way of TarotScopes, I have given it a try with TarOxScopes for one year only, and a guest once wrote about several kinds for our educational enrichment. However, we haven’t brought Rumpology to your attention yet. At least, not intentionally.

Rumpology is like phrenology, the study of the noggin, only for the human rear. No, the end result is not to achieve the correct fits of fashion, but rather to diagnose personality, proclivities, and I guess also the future. The buttock set is to be viewed much like hands are in palmistry, where one side tells of the past and the other holds the future. The halves of a standard rump correspond to the human brain also, somehow.

Wikipedia just told me that esteemed real psychic, Jackie Stallone, was able to predict presidential elections and Oscar awards by reading “the bottoms” of her two Doberman Pinscher dogs, so I guess any rump is an open book about anyone’s future. We should all worry about this, imo. I certainly wouldn’t want my future to be found on anyone’s rump but my own!

I will now include a five minute long YouTube of this mystical voyage in action — judge for YOURSELF.

This fortune telling method is one of the more awkward kinds I have been made aware of, yet I think I would have a better time with it than trying to decipher the i-ching results select websites have given me. At the very least, I believe rumpology to be a divine pick up line. “Hey baybee, care if I read your BUTT? No don’t be offended! I’m a professional.”

And yes. It turns out that I am only telling you about this crackpot tool of select seers so that a comic I have made might make a little more sense to you. You are WELCOME.