Have you ever wanted to draw comic strips for a living? It seems to be a popular daydream career, until you look at it a little harder. Well, at least that’s my opinion. Getting locked in a contract with newspapers for decades sounds like a nightmare to me, and it is how I explain away how terribly boring, unfunny, and even confusing the average comic strip often is. Have you read them lately, they are either incomprehensible or so bland that I develop a depressive episode within three panels.

Have you ever wanted to run a newspaper? Those 1930s movies make being Editor-in-Chief seem thrilling, if stressful. Barking commands at lowly journalists? Demanding we get the scoop? Yeah — I never really wanted to run a newspaper either unless I was a William Randolph Hearst level of super villain, controlling the public mindset. Newsletters and zines are all I want to expend my precious energy on — that is until I made those front page layouts for that one article the other day!

Since I am so busy recently, but I also like to give myself random projects that break my drawing hand and make me go insane, I decided to combine these barely-there interests I was vaguely thinking about lately to make an entire weekday newspaper comics page!

I sure hope you are able to zoom in well enough to recognize familiar Sneerists and Sneer Scenarios. Maybe you’ll even recognize yourself! And if you aren’t there, well, there’s always the next time I inevitably do this same thing again, like it’s a recurring sickness. I hope you can read the perplexing non-jokes and unwitty observations and unsettling quips-lite. I hope you can tell what comics I ripped off in these ways: panel layout, style of lettering, actual characters barely modified.

Most of all, I hope you delight in the fact that I tried really hard, so hard that my hand turned into ground meat that crumbled away.