Reading Beverages

As everyone knows, you can read fortunes in tea leaves and coffee grounds. Similarly, you can be confronted inside the confines of your cup with visions, portents, and omens — both light and dark. How one goes about this is up to individual taste. You can’t be wrong! After all, as everyone also knows, each person is at least a little bit psychic. So take that and run with it!

I know that some of you might not want to know the future. It is not for you to know, you say, because then the burden is on you to try to change the path for the better and that is too much weight. Or you worry that if you try to change the predicted future but you fail and it happens just like the soothsayer said anyway, you will fall to despair about a lack of Free Will. Or maybe your reasons aren’t so saturated in anxiety. You simply like to live in the present and you feel that there are so many variables at play that the future is unknowable anyway and that anyone who claims otherwise is a charlatan.

Photograph of a coffee mug that is designed to go from a sleeping face to a smiling, sweet face when hot liquids are introduced into it. Right now, it is asleep.
Anyway, here is my coffee mug for today. It has grown cold.

I am not here to sway you to the side of precognition, I am only here to inform you that there are Messages everywhere, all the time, that you can either notice or not. And that you can then take the notice and decipher it. You can live with this gift as a blessing or a curse. It can be your cup half full or cup half empty — and it can be filled, ideally, with coffee or tea.

Coffee or Tea?

The age old decision of what to drink and which is better pertains to psychic ability preferences as well. Tea leaves are a classic and will bring you traditional foresight, but coffee is more potent and therefore you will actually see through time, not just into it. The leaves and grounds create essentially a Rorschach test for your instinctual messages from Spirit, which chooses to only work in mysterious ways.

Personally, I believe it makes sense for you to read the liquid that you imbibe the most. You have a bond with that drink, so use it. However, I need to note this somewhere and it might as well be here: do not try to read your caffeinated carbonated beverages. You will go mad trying to work out the codes among the tiny bursting bubbles. It’s too fast! Don’t try it! Save yourself!

Photograph of the same coffee mug but now it is full of hot coffee. Its little happy face has appeared, just like mine as I write this.

Basic Instruction Goes Here

I never like to push you into the deep end when edutaining you, and even though I am a complete novice learning alongside you as I write this, I will expertly and gently guide you first into a kiddy pool of tea or coffee, decaf or regular. Take your drink and have a sip. Actually, go ahead and have a whole cup of beverage and get a second one while I research How To Read Tea Leaves, misunderstand and paraphrase it, and then extrapolate from there into the realms of coffee reading.

Step 1: Drink your cup of beverage with the intention of having a question answered. Like when you have to shuffle a tarot card deck.
Step 2: Leave about a swallow at the end of your cup.
Step 3: Swirl it around in a counter-clockwise direction for reasons tea how dot com didn’t bother to explain. I will assume that it is the mystical direction.
Step 4: Turn the cup over on a saucer and allow it to rest for about a minute.
Step 5: “Now, the tea leaves are ready to be read according to the salient rules of tasseography.” I wanted to leave this quote whole and not paraphrase it because I think it is a beautiful series of words.

a website about tea

God, actually if you want to know what to do, just go to this site. I’m glad I wrote this part last because now I want to spend my time reading this instead of writing anything.

Non-Leaf and Non-Grounds Messages

Not all of your messages will be confined to traditional methods. Sometimes, the tea or coffee will choose an unexpected form of communication. Maybe your coffee will billow up a creamer-related cloud that somehow looks like a dead cockroach, which is what I experienced last week during the depths of my S.A.D. — it was clearly a message from Beyond informing me of my depression dying off soon, I guess, since it is receding for now. Or, possibly it was a message from Beyond trying to prank me into throwing my mug across the room in horror.

Photograph of my smiling coffee mug with some coffee sipped out of it, the view is from above it and a Magic 8 Ball thing is floating in there (edited in) that says "Reply Hazy, Try Again."
My typical result.

Just this morning, cchris found a literal dead spider in his tea. Was it dead and in the tea leaves? Was it alive in the mug and then killed by scalding hot water? Did it spontaneously appear in his drink in order to convey something? As we know in the psychic communities, the “how” doesn’t really matter so much as the “What does it MEAN??” Sure, some of you unimaginative types would say that it only means yuck and ew, but I am waiting for the results.

I am going to obtain and then gaze into an obsidian orb until I am sure that it means that he’s either going to have a bad day or possibly it was a self-fulfilling prophesy about how it would inspire me to write today’s post.

I could be wrong, but if I’m right I am opening my fortune telling service immediately. Watch out, Tonyana.

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