Careening into Elderly Town

Aging seems to be an inevitability of living. No matter how much you don’t believe in linear time, or do believe in vampires, it still gets you eventually, barring early death by misadventure or ill luck. Maybe some day, after I age a little more and figure it out, I will provide you needy readers with a solid guide on how to age “gracefully,” but I’m still in the phase where I scream at the sky and shatter mirrors with half-emptied booze bottles whenever I think I see myself looking a little older, so you will have to flounder around on your own until then.


Today, I am having one of those days where the skies are greyer than I like them to be, and the air is colder than I find to be comfortable. It isn’t the Depression that has me, I just feel tired in a way that I don’t remember feeling as often in the warm, exciting days of youth. Oh, “melodramatic and whiny” I think is the mood I might be in? Anyway, THINGS have happened all in a row today. This short list will hopefully not get longer, but unlike myself, this day is still young so who knows what else might happen.

I Forgot How Browsers Work

I tried to send Jeremy a link to something and it didn’t work. I was completely baffled for MOMENTS until I realized that I was clicking in the wrong place and the url bar was practically invisible to my general awareness. I live on the internet, and I couldn’t remember how to copy and paste a simple url. At least it gave me article material for today, but that’s not far off from forgetting how to make coffee… which actually I have done a few times in the past year, as I go to retrieve my fresh coffee only to find that I have made hot gross-tasting water because I didn’t put in the actual coffee. Oh god.


I Don’t “Get” a Lot of Jokes Suddenly

I am either becoming a tired old crank who finds no humor or joy in anything the kids are making these days, or they are sloppy jokesters who don’t perfect their comics or humorous imagery before breathlessly uploading them for people with poorly developed senses of humor to lol at and share share share. “Back in MY day,” I lie, “we actually made SURE our comedy was clear and concise.” No it’s always been bad and I am probably just really cantankerous, but it doesn’t sound great for my character devolution. This is surely the beginning of the End. “If I made that comic, it would be in ink pen on a napkin with a note that says *improve this.” As though the few comics I actually make are pinnacles of comedy achievement. I’m just pointing out that I complain about nothing.


My Browser Tabs Are Zoomed In

I got a new desk, so my screen is like twelve inches farther away than it used to be, maybe even less. I can barely see the words. I think everything is zoomed in like 140% and I still squint and lean forward like I’m 140 years old. Do I need glasses? According to the old woman’s glasses we found in a park, I do need some sort of vision-aiding thing like that. I will certainly dive right into the oldest looking style of bifocals, whenever I finally get around to it, because it is what I deserve. How dare my eyes wear out! I’ve probably needed them for like sixteen years.



And I know that some of you might be rolling your eyes and telling me to calm down, but these other things I’m about to list are already a part of my daily life, so you can see how slippery this slope is that I am cascading down into a cold, open grave. R.I.P.


I Have a Lot of Cats

You know this as well as I do: any old spinster who has a multitude of cats might as well be in her 80s. I even frequently write about them for the public to read. Sure, I live with friends and am fairly spry, but it only takes one bad fall to end all of that. Then there I’ll be, confined to bed for decades as I wait for the last sleep. I’M A REAL SUNBEAM TODAY, AREN’T I? I swear I’m not even sad. But then I suppose this death-humor is something my own mother does, too. Recently, I didn’t think I’d ever think it was a thing to laugh about and look at me now.


Gardening and Bird Friends

I garden. I set up bird feeders and include flowers for the birds to eat. I have little Audubon books and study the bird songs so that I can identify them. I might sip on hot honey-sweetened tea while I learn more about the birds and their habitats and preferences. It is very nice to care for the animals of a neighborhood, and I don’t regret that I do it, but my very own grandmother did exactly these same things, so I know what it means.


Compulsively Collecting Egyptian Afterlife Trinkets and Art

Yesterday, I bought an Anubis statue for some reason. I’ve got a lot of Thoths around, and other Egyptian things, too. I’ve never really been interested in Ancient Egypt, really. I’m not religious. Even though I say that I worship Thoth, we are really only distant acquaintances. Am I building a tomb? Sure why not. It’s almost like it’s building itself around me, which is comforting and not at all alarming to consider.



I Don’t Do These Things Yet:

  • wear a bun in my hair
  • wrinkles in my skin
  • hate change
  • lean to the right, politically
  • fear young people
  • knit or crochet or make a quilt

Sneer Back

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