Springtime is a very spiritual time of year for us. It is our favorite season, full of hope and enthusiasm for this new year unfolding before us. But also, it is the time of ceremonies celebrating the saints of our personal religions. Mr Rogers and Secretariat are both holy days of March, and April has Bette Davis Day.

Bette Davis is the patron saint of throwing fits, shrieked insults, and dishware. An icon of the 1930s and beyond, she was an actress unafraid to be the bad guy, both on screen and off. She was tough, and she aged well into a great old broad who would tell it like it is frequently in interviews.

While we wait to age in much the same way, all of us original disciples can busy ourselves with coloring what is actually an authorized plan (complete with a throwing vase) for a stained glass window for our humble Sneer Chapel, eventually located in the backyard to probably house our hens. I will surely be making more of these coloring pages of the other saints, too. Collect them all!

I have never done stained glass before. I am not a trained craftsperson and have not apprenticed under a skilled stained glassicist. So, when I go to the Vatican to learn from the best, probably the tiny bits of colored glass will shatter in my hands, and I will have to update this blueprint one hundred times. I will be swear dramatically, I will throw sheets of precious colored glass at the walls and storm right out many times a day — but in the end, there will be a mastery of craft. I will have succeeded in the Bette Davis way.

Save the picture I colored by myself, above, or click this link here to print out a nice 8×10 picture, OR right click and save the png that’s transparent and color it in a coloring program! Did I make this too hard? Well figure it out yourself, sweetcheeks. You can do it.