We update an OUTRAGEOUS five days a week here on the Sneer Campaign, if all is going well and according to plan. We do this because it feels good to have a schedule that we stick to. It gives us a confidence to see that we are capable of doing this one specific thing. Also, we like to imagine that you depend on us for quality entertainment. However, you might have noticed that sometimes we take, shall we say, “unscheduled vacations.” We do this if we are sad, unmotivated, or busy.

I’m happy to announce, through my present-day sad tears (but not too sad to become unmotivated and not write!) that recently we have just been extremely busy. Not last week, but the week before, we didn’t put up one single thing. And for a change it was not because we were each sealed in our bedrooms, weeping, weeping, and thinking about the ills of the world. We actually did stuff. Or at least I did, and I think Dollissa was working, maybe, and had other things going on.

Normally, we are the shut-ins you imagine that we are. This house is paradise, why would we ever want to leave? And that is definitely true. But recently, a lot of things brought us out of the woodwork like the creepy vermin we are. What happened in the busiest week of my life so far this year? I will tell you the list, and then you can rest assured that a lot of these are probably going to become articles, dozens and dozens of articles. This one week has given me enough material for months of written nonsense. Hey, maybe I should get out more!

• Kevin “KayFlay” J. Flasch Visited. Hosting guests is almost always a pleasure! Kevin is always a delight.
• Visited the Newport Aquarium. A sleepy octopus, ten thousand shrieking children, ineffectual parents, the aquarium had some of what we wanted and everything we didn’t want.
• Met the Traveling Terra Cotta Warriors. The Cincinnati Art Museum got to exhibit those Chinese statues from history times. The children at this attraction were much more thoughtful and sedate.
• Cemetery. We took a cemetery hike as I advocated in an article before, so you won’t be seeing new writings on this. I just wanted you to know that we really do this. We needed a break from the sounds of children.
• Consumer Madness. We were happy so we spent a lot of money and boosted the local economy. Record shops, Satan shops, museum gift shops, book shops, food food food.
• Food Delivery. Seamless and GrubHub are going to lead to our fatty fat demises. We ordered every meal instead of doing any home cooking.

At this point Kevin went home (on a Wednesday), and we were allowed to go back to not constantly eating. I am taking a moment here to explain that we didn’t just do a half-week of entertainment because we needed time to get our lives back in order. Post-guest time always requires some relaxation. Also, I had just found a thing to obsessively spend all my time reading, as I will mention in the next part of the list:

• Duolingo. I gave up trying to learn Hebrew on Duolingo and switched to Swahili. I thought this might be a frivolous endeavor but then I saw a roadside stand on Cincinnati’s north side that was flying a Tanzanian flag, I believe.
• Bats. Two bats invaded the house in one day.
• Making Plague Doctors. I decided that I need an all-consuming hobby, like I decide every ten days, and then I throw myself into something for an hour. This week, I started making plague doctor figurines, but I plan to really stand by this one. I’m going to turn it into more than a passing fancy. Plague doctor crafts will be my lasting legacy and empire!
• Reading about Serial Killers. Every actual idle moment (and moments that I turned into idle moments) were spent reading the twelve million archived posts of a tumblr page that seemed to be a little too into various serial killers. My mind is flooded with the facts and images that I can’t unsee.
• Simpsons. My life is a series of habit-hobbies, or I’m trying to make it that way for some reason. Seasons 1-9 of the Simpsons is almost always on, if I am not watching a documentary or listening to music.
• Met Flynt Flossy. We went to a show and had a good time. Flynt Flossy seems to be a delightful person. I am glad to have made his acquaintance.
• Vent Haven Museum. I finished the week out by going to the world’s only ventriloquism museum, where I gazed upon and was inspired by over 800 ventriloquist dummies.

As you can see, I have an overwhelming amount of material to sift through, and maybe just maybe this post you are reading now is actually just here for me to refer back to every time I need to think of something to write. For certain though, I can rest easy knowing that I won’t need to leave the house again for a while. I’m all funned out.