My mind is a busy thing filled with noise and sights. It is clouded with activity that, on some days, can really get in my way of productivity. Some days, it can get in the way of even speaking effectively, because I will become distracted by unrelated thoughts by the fourth word in. Before you tell me to seek medical attention and become prescribed to pills that will calm me down, allow me to stop you. What am I, made of money? Who am I, a person with the attention span enough to figure out how to seek professional help? Puh-lease.
Anyway, I have more or less grown used to it and I didn’t mean to immediately leap into some sort of diary entry of woe, nor did I mean to get dangerously near a rant about the American health care system. Really, all I mean to do is to tell you that despite all of the chaos within, there are some subjects that I compulsively revisit, my anchors in the storm of life — usually multiple times in a day. So, this is a diary entry, but a fairly meaningless one. Dig in!
How Much Trees Weigh
I see trees a lot. They’re everywhere! Some of these trees are mighty fine specimens and I notice them especially. Each time I notice a tree, I inevitably wonder how much it must weigh, roots and all. They have to be just so heavy — more than I can lift! I once looked up how a person might go about estimating a tree’s weight and accidentally found an actual answer that nevertheless caused me to read it out loud, laughing all the while like it was the funniest joke. I found it again, just for you.
I guess more than wondering what a tree weighs, what I really think about is this webpage I have linked to you. There is a lot of thought that goes into the estimation, and I don’t think I will ever be able to go out into a field, see a tree, and run these calculations to inform everyone around me what that tree must weigh. I won’t even be able to do the calculations on scratch paper! If I ever feel high and mighty, like a smart person, I just remind myself that I can’t tell you what a tree in our vicinity must weigh. I keep humble.
I think about Jackie Beat, the legend, the icon, every single day. It isn’t just because I follow her on Instagram and she posts frequently. It also isn’t because cchris mentions her fairly often. I can be far from the internet, but her image flashes through my mind, and then I think about her. It may sound frightening to have visions of a drag clown lurking in my brain, but these visions are met with warm welcome.
I get Dirty Sanchez music in my head a lot, and I even once hired her on cameo to greet cchris — my sweetest act of friendship. Am I going to violate some terms of service by linking to it? Am I violating some nondisclosure friend agreement with cchris? Will Jackie Beat ask me to donate to the NAACP every time someone views this video? Hopefully, I will be forgiven.
TV Funhouse was one of those edgy early-00s shows that brimmed with many kinds of controversial humor that was so in at the time. I enjoyed the cartoons and snippets of other things that they played in between the puppet dramas, and one of them was this animation:
At some point, nearly every single day of my life, I hear Pablo Picasso saying in frustration that he is going to knock down, break, into cubes, little cubes. Every day. Which then leads to the little closing ditty. It is very catchy. It is playing in my mind right now.
Of course you know I think of this site every day, much like you probably do, too! However, my thoughts center on wondering if whatever I am thinking or experiencing at the moment would make good article material. I am a journalist who reports on the breaking news of my life, without it being a whole autobiographical blog. It’s only partly one of those.
Much of my time is also spent thinking about what I should be working on for this site, in the future. So that I can have a stockpile of things to choose from in times where I have nothing prepared and I have a migraine looming on my horizon. That is my life today, and I had no stockpile. Look at me struggle! See how I suffer with coming up with anything that could be entertaining. Sneer Campaign Lamentation Post #452
A long, long time ago, I was annoyed by some significant other I had at the time asking me what I was thinking about in that moment. He didn’t get dramatic when my answer was not, “you of course [heart eye emoji]” but I low key resented what I felt was an invasion of my privacy. Soon after, I decided that I would always answer that I was thinking about lawn grass, no matter what I was actually thinking about. You wanna know what I am thinking about, buster? It’s grass, that’s what. No. The boring kind.
The joke turned out to be on me though, because now I actually do think about grass spontaneously throughout every day, so when it is my answer, it probably is the truth now. Anyway, watch our site because soon I will make a comic about the time AlexT and I had a lot to say about grass, just to prove to you all that this is a thing. Also it will scratch my ever-present “catering to sneer campaign” itch.