At least three times a week on this site, we wake up with the crushing reality that we should post content. Yes, it is a delight, a hobby that we love according to us. But it’s just the same as most activities: we want the end result to appear fully formed. We want the result without the toil. Gardening, artwork, cleaning, traveling — it’s all the same! The journey is NOT the treat. We want the satisfaction of something being completed. The quiet after the storm, before the next storm of having to do anything.

Even though we may whine and lament, privately or publicly, we still (usually) finish something when we have decided that we have to. We like the attention and the feathers in our caps. It feels good to persevere. And as discussed before, Dollissa and I have different methods of writing, but we do share in common some distinct stages. Sometimes, we whisk right through them, other days we get stuck on the first and those are the days that have no updates. Now you know!

Stage 1: Laziness & Procrastination

Having to write can be overwhelming. Some days, we respond to this need by pretending that we are the masters of our destiny and that time doesn’t exist so we aren’t wasting any by not being productive! I’ve read that this is a common defense mechanism: outright denial of a responsibility. Procrastination and/or sheer laziness leap to the rescue as we feel pretty okay with the notion that we don’t have to do anything we don’t feel like doing!

As the clock tick tocks away (silently, we do not allow actual ticking clocks in the Headquarters), we become confronted with the realization that we COULD skip a day of writing and probably only WE would notice. This brings a pain to us that I can only describe as “piercing” and “soul-crushing.” This leads us directly into the next stage.

Stage 2: Indignant Rage

Sometimes when we think about how we have piled the responsibility to entertain you on ourselves, a responsibility that no one asked for, we get a little angry about it. Yes, the anger is covering up the pain of bewildering existence, and yes, we misdirect that anger at the “faceless masses” who read sneer campaign, which is to say “our friends, family, and strangers who want to stalk celebrities or know about the possibly filthy meaning of song lyrics.“

We get bitter. We get resentful. But it really only is a fleeting stage, usually, don’t worry. Our desire for attention and praise is a bottomless pit that can never be filled. We brought this on ourselves, we know that. And it is worth all of the strife. Probably.

Stage 3: Bargaining

As we flail around trying to land on any topic that inspires us, one of us will inevitably ask the other, and the other writers, and possible guests to please, please step up today. What normally happens is that the people you are asking promise you that they will do something “for the future.” “We will start to stockpile content,” they say. “But I am too busy now.” Other excuses are mood and energy based, or proclamations that they can’t just jam out an article in a single day. Well, practice makes perfect, sweethearts. You could TRY.

This stage could and probably just should be thrown out as a possibility. It very seldom achieves results, although it does postpone the inevitable sadness, confusion, and hurt of writing an article by providing a different version of sadness, confusion, and hurt as a distraction.

Stage 4: Lamentations

The other stages may come and go and sometimes never appear, but this one is a guaranteed star of the show. After some time passes, we enter the loudest stage of writing. Earlier in the day, we are escaping responsibility, trying to pass the buck, and doing our best to rise above simple article writing. We do everything in our power to cause content to generate itself and post on its own.

When that doesn’t happen, we raise our tiny fists to the heavens and wail. We embrace the hectic sorrow of creativity and cry out to the walls and ceiling, to the cats and each other. The process is difficult and messy. We become foggy and confused. We forget how to write entirely and wonder how we have even posted like 950 things so far. Every single time we write, we wonder if this is it. If this is the last attempt. Our past selves were so lively and filled with ability. Look at us now.

Wailed lamentations are a key stage in any writing day.

Stage 5: Oh, I Wrote Something

Accepting what must be done before too late in the day isn’t always a good feeling. Sitting here writing doesn’t mean I’ve moved past the grief of writing. I am grieved. But when we reach this stage, the actual production of content stage, it means we have accepted our lot in life.

Writing an article and getting to the end of it is a major change in our day. It changes our Path. After writing, we feel good and deserve rewards and treats, if only in the form of a little attention from anyone who happens to read it. But how do we know when an article is over? Easy! It is when we realize we have suddenly written between 500 and 2000 words!

Reminder: writing for us as a guest brings you social success, and gives us an ease to our delicious burden that we wouldn’t trade for the world.