V Day in Solitude

Are you sick of both Valentines day and Galentines day? Do you want to punch everyone who talks to you lately? Don’t want to leave your house anyway? Well, forget the hype, the restaurant reservations, and the anticipation leading to disappointment, and celebrate alone. You’re the coolest person you know anyway.

Here are some ways to prepare and celebrate solo, depending on your mood.

The Self Care Day

Prepare: Make sure to clean your room and bathroom the day before if you can, so you have a soothing place ready for relaxing in. Stock up on bubble bath or a fun bath bomb, a facial mask, and some scented candles.

Use all of these things one at a time or in combination. Listen to soothing sounds and think soothing thoughts.

The Love Yourself

Prepare: Order flowers and chocolate to yourself ahead of time.

Get yourself some chocolate, flowers, and favorite food delivered. Give yourself a few valentines, full of compliments. Love yourself with traditional commercial Valentine’s Day products, the way God intended.

Dress up, put on your favorite playlist, and dance like nobody is watching (maybe cover your laptop camera).

The Sneer Campaign

Prepare: Have an internet connection and stay right here, where you already are!

If you would like to do what Amandoll and I plan to do, individually, separately, then you simply need to hit the “random post” button over and over again. Read our old posts. Pretend we are your friends. Make valentines for us and get them to us electronically, or mysteriously and frighteningly through snail mail. We will then make a shrine in return and write a post about it. The perfect system!

The Pity Party

Prepare: Wallow in self pity.

Light one single red candle and put it on a large table, large enough to look too empty with just a candle. Sit on the floor with your phone and a pint of ice cream. Don’t play any music, unless you want to play a sad playlist very quietly, so you can’t quite hear it over sobbing, hypothetically.

If you could get a White Castle Candle, that would be perfect, too.

Keep a written list of everyone you wish had sent you a valentine, throughout your entire life. Hold it while you cry so it can look dramatically tear-stained. Look up everyone you ever loved or hated on Instagram to see their romantic plans for the day.

Sneer Back

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