The SECRET to Obtaining True Love

If you are like the vast majority of modern human beings out there in the world today, then you are on an eternal quest for tender romantic love so true. Many of you may resort to, or confuse, filth-love for truluv but you eventually find that the emptiness is still there, the dissatisfaction and self-disgust remains. If that never happens for you and you are fulfilled, then I am genuinely happy that you found what works for you! But the rest of you: never fear for Sneer is here to relieve your soul of its burdens.

say you love me

Step one in achieving happy relationships is to throw out the notion of there being “soul mates,” if you somehow still possibly believe in that and you are older than fourteen. Now, before some of you write in proclaiming that you are with your soul mate, then I want to congratulate you on finding someone with whom you get along, and care for deeply, and even sincerely and truly love. But you will never get me to believe you are a mate of the souls. Life isn’t a Disney production! ABSURD.

Okay, that silly idea out of the way, now it is time for the real advice: harness the Power of Attraction!

Intentional thinking is what THE SECRET advocates. It is a literal magnet you have that gathers your desires to you! Directly into your life! You are supposed to live in your mind as if your dreams have already come true. Then the Universe gets the hint and makes it so. Easy as that! But you should arrange visual cues in the home to remind yourself that the future is already now and you are as happy as can be.

Use Feng Shui

Depending on which school of the ancient practice of feng shui you choose to follow, you locate the Romance and Relationships corner of your home. Once found, you make sure that you remove clutter, cobwebs, and imagery depicting heartbroken, weeping people who are standing alone, gazing into a seemingly bottomless chasm. You then proceed to slowly, week by week, add “cures” to the area. You don’t want to put too many in or else the chi floods in and you become overwhelmed with opportunities, suitors, and stress! Begin with a framed photo of a lovely rose and go from there: pairs of ducks, personal symbols of fidelity, statuettes of eternal love. Beautiful. Whenever you look over in that corner, you will remember how good romance luv is.

Gather Crystals

The earth mother, Gaia, loves her children. She shows it in many ways, but one of the best and most useful for you right now for the purpose of this article is by providing us all with pretty gemstones that possess QUALITIES. That’s right. Just as there are stones of protection, there are stones for attracting human love. Get you one of those rose quartzes, the bigger the better. Set aside time for meditation, where you don’t think but instead you FEEL. Feel love while your ten pound rose quartz rests over the location of your heart chakra, which is coincidentally around where your living beating heart is. Mmmm. By doing this, you magnify your naturally magnetic self and before you know it you will be wading knee-deep in romantic conquest.

Pro-tip: Probably don’t include notorious comic buffoon, Ziggy, in your altar.

Altars, Spells, Potions

Either you can use any of our surefire winners of Voodoo Love Spells or create your own! Really, our site is a beautiful resource for many love needs, because we are experts. While casting a spell in front of your pink and red altar with your romantic vision board background, anointing yourself with rose essential oil, you are getting way down deep into the heart-shaped mindset required to attract the love you crave, the love we apparently cannot live a full life without.

Create Beautiful Art

I find that painting, drawing, and sculpting gives me time to idly think about things. So it is a perfect time to allow the mind to dwell on the blissful feeling of love while also painting a portrait of your ideal love mate. Do dozens of these paintings. Make your friends jealously sick over your chosen hobby. And imagine the joy your beau will feel upon first walking into your home and seeing many paintings of people who look very much like them. Magical!

Do It Yourself

The most important step in mastering the Secret is the part where you are proactive in getting what you want. Much like when you try to Secret a glass of water because you’re thirsty and before you know it, you’re standing in the kitchen, drinking that water, your love life is the same way. After establishing your intention to find that perfect enough someone, you must open up your heart, leave the house, and actually meet people — or you could start a cult just to meet people.

Be selective because the Universe will probably be throwing everyone your way. You know what you want, tiger, so get it.

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