In this modern day and age, human beings are often too caught up in their busy lives. I’m told they have work to do, bills to pay, stressful situations to cope with, and entertaining distractions galore. These distractions are what people currently use to “unwind” from their other stresses, but they aren’t really that relaxing.
In the yesteryears before electronic fun, a person had a lot of time to think quietly to themselves. Their relaxation involved peacefully sitting out on the back porch and reflecting on life and problems while watching the sunset. Perhaps they would also be sipping on an iced tea and sitting in comfortable silence with a good friend and a kitty cat, listening to the ambient noises of the gentle outdoors and feeling glad.
But this article isn’t about how to really get in touch with the real you inside. Heavens, no!
Yes, these days everyone is more likely to ignore their problems than solve them. It’s an undeniable fact that forgetting is today’s cure. Not many people give themselves time to understand their own behavior and quirks. Our own personalities are too-often undiscovered or ignored. I can only assume that in the past, people understood themselves in a timely fashion and that was that. Maybe they had direct access to their pineal glands and went from there.
These days, we have to have someone else explain us to us, sometimes by using a certified analyst but usually in the form of a handy quiz on the Internet. However, discovering which house we would be shuffled into if we were at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry isn’t really as satisfying as we would like. If your spirit animal is raven and your soul’s color is red and you know all of the characters in television and movies that correspond to you, what does all of that really mean? Even after taking untold amounts of these quizzes, the results are so vague that we find that we aren’t really told enough about ourselves. We want MORE, dang it!
Well, luckily, there is more. There is so much more… That is why I am here, writing this series of articles. I am going to tell you about various methods of learning about your personality, and really, anyone’s personality that you have even a modicum of information about. Graphology, Western astrology, Chinese zodiac, typology, palmistry, and numerology are just a few topics I have idly read about in my time, so I am clearly all the expert you need to guide you on your own journey of self-learnin’. And on the plus side, I won’t have to research anything aside from my own half-faded memories!
Yes. Readers, you will be armed with KNOWLEDGE and be able to go forth and judge people with even more authority than you already do! Unlike your tried and true former methods of judging people based purely on arbitrary factors such as their musical tastes, choice of footwear, shared interests, inclinations towards various minor ailments, and so on, the methods I will cover are usually looked on more favorably for some reason. So you will no longer look like a massive jerk when you reject a lady based on the sound of her laughter or the smell of her breath. No! You’ll be able to cover those reasons up with a simple, “Wait, what is your birth sign?” And when she says Aries – heck – when she says ANYTHING – you can just say, “Oh, our sun signs are completely incompatible GOODBYE FOREVER.” She will not blame you and will instead feel relieved. I guarantee it.
You can thank me later for giving this gift of judgement to you free of charge, and I welcome you to my world, which appears to consist of judging people seemingly at random for 90% of the day. But by knowing words like “graphology” and being able to wield terminology which may or may not even mean anything, my opinionated and fickle nature appears to have far more validity. At least, it seems so for people who already believe in this stuff to some degree. The people who doubt will just figure you to be a fool — but that’s okay. You don’t want to know them anyway because people like that will probably challenge your delicately crafted little world so much that you might become depressed or otherwise made to feel insecure. According to uplifting images I’ve seen repeatedly posted on the Internet, no one needs that kind of person in their life!
There are many other personality-reading tools out there which I am not so well-acquainted with: phrenology, the study of the shape and bumps on the human head to figure personality and basic human worth springs instantly to mind. And rumpology, the study of the shape and bumps on the human rump. Maybe I will one day study up on that outrageous thing. And I am sure there are many great methods from the times of the noble and paranoid Puritans which would have made for interesting reads, but those will have to wait until I have time to do actual research. When will I have time to conduct research at my leisure again? We will have to wait and see when I write my articles on soothsaying methods!