Like many people in these modern times, I cycle through various app games on devices. Some, I review on here. Or rather, I make diary entries like sneer campaign is my deadjournal where I lament for a thousand words about the many faces of game addiction. Like a junkie on the brink of recovery, I list how they are ruining my life and friendships. Then I kick the habit but then move on to another thing that is essentially the same.
Well, this time, I played a game that did NOT addict me.
Every app game has a feature where you can earn free in-game money. Sometimes, you commit to watching advertisements for a few coins a pop. Other times, you download other games until you reach some stated goal. I like to use these chances to earn game cash because I feel like it’s the better way, compared to spending real human earth money. I consistently choose to deny them real money, even though cash dollars come and go, but my time I will never get back… I feel like I might be on another brink of self-realization here, so I’d better move on!
Anyway I have been playing that one interior decoration game that was touted as “the most relaxing game of 2018″ or whatever hooked me into trying. “Design Home,” it is called. I have not written about it because I can only think of about 180 words to say about it. “In this game, you decorate a room. Then you get salty because these other players don’t deem your rooms to be perfect 5’s every time. They have poor taste. But you keep trying!” Then I would elaborate, slightly, on those sentences. The end. You should play it!
As simple as that game is, there is a LOT of furniture and especially decoration that costs “diamonds,” the in-game money of choice. You earn a smattering of diamonds daily, just by showing up, but there is a free money area where you can earn up to like 60k diamonds OR MORE if you download other apps! I am all over this feature.
Typically, I avoid the best paying ones because they try to get you to sign up for real services that cost actual money, which is what I am avoiding in the first place! So I usually just wind up trying other app games. This is how I have had a taste of some Marvel Comics fighting game where I had to ask my friends why Spiderman, a teenager I guess, would be leading a team of giant men with tiny heads who were angry. I didn’t even get a good answer, but who cares, I already uninstalled it once I got to Level 6 and earned 24k diamonds. There was a clicker game, a lot of casino slot games, and one instance of poker that you played against actual other people and it stressed me out so I uninstalled it before earning ANYTHING.
But this wrestling game, friends. It was the worst of them all. And yes, that was all quite an intro, wasn’t it? My longest introduction yet! The most defensive introduction yet.
WWE Champions is a game where you have these musclebabies in a fighting square, performing signature moves on each other. You control one of them as they battle against a computer opponent. It’s a tile game, or whatever, and it is incredibly frustrating as it basically leads you to make 3 tile matches, one at a time, and then takes up seconds of your life as the characters do these moves and punch at each other.
Everything about the game takes up too many seconds, saps your will to live, and erodes your dignity as you are all too aware of what you’re doing just for free diamonds in a different game. I had to play TEN LEVELS of this in order to get my prize. I hated it. I hate everything now, in my post-WWE Champions life. If you can call this living.
My smallest silver lining, barely detectable, so small was this lining, was that I got to talk with a couple of people about these wrasslers. And I learned that there are actual wrestlers who dress like unicorns. Speaking of wrestlers, I have learned that there are Five Types:
- Giant Bald-headed Muscle Baby
- Stringy, Dark Haired Muscled Baby
- Forgettable Men
- Unicorns
- the Rock
If there were other kinds, they were just variations like “Stringy Dark-Haired Muscle Baby with Bushy Beard and Hillbilly Theme.” Also, there could have been others but the game was as slow as a painful death and my roster did not ever include them. I hate that I used the word “roster” appropriately just then.
I really should uninstall Design Home to punish it for putting me through any of that. But I won’t, because I am currently, as in, “as I type these words to you,” playing a casino slots game to earn diamonds for it. Disgusting.