I Am Going to Watch Dynasty

Usually, you can look back on your life and pinpoint a moment where everything suddenly changed for you. Sometimes the change is bad, the consequence of a poor decision. Other times, it is a positive chance meeting that leads to many other positive happenings. We all have these pivotal moments, and they make life an exciting adventure.

However, every once in a while, you find yourself in the moment as it is happening, or about to happen. You clearly feel that you are on the precipice of a great slippery slope and the next step is going to reverberate for years, ruining many lives including your own probably. God. Even that sounds pretty exciting, if you are aware of it.

Anyway, today it is the opposite of that. I am facing my ascent of Everest, except there is no peril and the mountain peak is going to be personal splendor in every direction, forever. I am just about to start watching the classic 1980s evening soap drama called Dynasty.

I am not a big fan of drama, or television I suppose, and I had always been aware of Dynasty as being a tv show that existed (and just learned that there is a reboot of it or something? I immediately scoffed at the idea, even though I haven’t seen the original). Truthfully, I had confused it with Dallas, which I also know nothing about. But what made me decide that maybe I need to go through and watch the entire nine year run of this series? Cchris, of course, started sending me youtube clips of the snide back and forths between characters and the main character, the biggest star, the lady played by Joan Collins.

After a few of such clips, I was convinced that not only did I want to see more of this, because it nourished me in ways that previously only old scenes starring Joan Crawford or Bette Davis had, but I was immediately aware that my life would change for the better, because I am highly suggestible when I see something I want to be influenced by. And who wouldn’t want more of this in their actual real lives? I mean, watching these clips was kind of like seeing one of my chats with cchris come to life, but I want MORE.

After I begin watching this show, my key friends will surely also watch it. Whether we sync or do this at our own pace, it will be so. Dollissa and I (and Manny, we will drag Manny along with us) live in a house that we will make a little more extravagant. We have time. And really, what else is life for than to pursue ridiculous whims? I have made a list.

How Our Lives Will Change After Dynasty

  1. We will have evening gowns that we wear casually, every day
  2. More champagne
  3. Learn to like caviar
  4. Elegant power suits
  5. A love of power over all things
  6. Constant, hissing exchanges of backhanded compliments and outright insults
  7. An awareness of fashion names
  8. Threats that we will take everyone down with us
  9. Sassily styled hair or possibly wigs

All of these things are going to make life at the Sneer Headquarters all the more thrilling and possibly worthy of its own television show. Especially because these new things will easily merge with our natural personalities already! I have made another list.

How Our Lives Will Not Change Because We Do It Already

  1. Haughty glances
  2. Casual caustic remarks about people not present in the room
  3. Dramatic sayings such as “I will see to it that you won’t get a PENNY”
  4. Slamming a fist or open hand upon a table top for emphasis
  5. Silently narrowing eyes
  6. Gin drinks
  7. Snooty for absolutely no reason
  8. We answer to no one.

Maybe we won’t start smoking, or buy a bunch of ships just to sink them. We probably won’t be guilty of murders and I doubt we will marry people in order to have ex-husbands who eventually trifle with our affairs and double cross us in ways that I can’t imagine because I haven’t watched even one episode yet.

So, so long everyone. Goodbye, old life. It is time to shed my old skin and emerge in about 40 minutes, or perhaps as long as two seasons, as the me that I was meant to eventually be anyway. This is just a more direct way to it. Dynasty Destiny.

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