We have previously provided some detailed voodoo spell instructions for securing your love. But maybe you want more than love? It is 2017 after all, and love is dumb and we’re pretty sure it was made up by the brothers Grimm. Having a partner is so 2014, and there are more important considerations, such as money or your video games.

Gather the necessary materials, put on a stern smirk, and find a quiet, empty room. We recommend doing these fake spells on an altar cloth of some sort. Personally, I use my favorite pillowcase. It’s very cute. Just as before, you’ll have to update your witchery to the modern era for these spells, so get out your smartphone and your social media accounts, your sage, and let’s get down and dirty.

 

 

Wealth Spell

Let’s get right down to business with the most important spell and desire for everyone in the world. You do not have enough money! Time to fix it. You can work hard, get lucky, or you can just go ahead and force it to happen with a little of the ol’ black magick.

Tools: paper, a red candle, a well-used dollar bill, your phone or a small book, peppermint oil, a bay leaf

Ritual: First, put the red candle in the center of your altar or workspace. Write how much you want on a small piece of paper and set it aside. Take the bay leaf and the dollar and put them underneath the candle, then light the candle. Put a drop of peppermint oil on the paper and pass the fragrant paper over the flame quickly. Then, hold it to your chest (the paper should not have caught fire, obviously) and repeat the words below two times. Tear the paper into four pieces and arrange them around the candle.

For Life: Put some of your hair or a small cherished book on top of the dollar, underneath the candle.

For Your Favorite Game/App: Open the app or game and put your device on top of the dollar, underneath the candle (be careful!).

“gold coin cheat code
dollar bill motherload”

 

Health Spell

Now that we got money, the most important one, out of the way, on to more tedious business: your health! You don’t want any sickness getting you down and this modern spell is a surefire way to strengthen your defenses. Warning: may result in someone else getting sick on your behalf in a predictable twist.

Tools: bandaid, a white candle, two small stones, a drop of your blood, fitbit

Ritual: Sit down somewhere relaxing, outdoors is best, while wearing your Fitbit. Take a drop of blood from the hand that wears the device and put it on one of the stones. Light the candle and pour a drop of wax onto the other stone. The bandaid is for your hand, wherever you got the blood from. Say the following while the candle is still lit, then blow it out. Leave the stones wherever they are for as long as you can.

“one for body
one for else
stone for stone
health for health”

 

Luck Spell

We all know that luck isn’t a real thing, just like wishing on a shooting star will only get you as far as, well, wishing.

Tools: a penny, sage

Ritual: First, light the sage and smudge whatever room you’re doing the spell in, to rid it of bad luck. Then, leave a penny face-up on a windowsill. Do not move the penny, but if it is moved by someone else, that’s fine. Wait three days for any effects, whether or not the penny was still there.

 

Obedient Pets Spell

You love your pals, sure. But why aren’t they listening to you?

Tools: two matches, a glass of water, two strands of fur from your pet

Ritual: When your pet is not around, gather the things you need in your room. Light one match, close your eyes, and say the name of your pet three times. Put the match out in the water, then toss the match away. Light the second match, and burn one of the strands of fur. Put the other strand in the glass of water. Leave the glass by your bed overnight, then take two sips first thing in the morning.