There have been a multitude of articles about how the internet is getting to be very bad for children. Scary for children. Particularly with places like YouTube, sites are being overrun with hundreds if not thousands of strange, traumatizing shit targeted toward kids who are just trying to watch unboxing videos.

Often, I find myself bored. It’s usually nighttime, and I’ve run out of nonsense things to say to Amandoll. The only thought left is to check the Play Store for fun new apps to ruin my life with. When doing this, there’s a disturbing trend that I end up frequently rantin’ and ravin’ about: Pregnancy Surgery Games, for Children.

Kids are weird, we get it. We were all there once! I loved dolls, and had Barbies, and lots of toys that I treated as babies. Heck, that’s what they want us to play with. Dolls with diaper changes and bottle feeding, toy carriages, toys with multiples (twins, triplets, all the way to quintuplets)… it was only a matter of time before the act of birth itself was thrust upon us, as small and innocent young people.

But not just birth these games focus on surgery. I don’t want to say that I’d rather play a game about potty training than caesarian sections, but I wouldn’t deny it. I can’t confirm how horrible the games are, as my bravery doesn’t extend to even tapping on these games for more info. I can, however, tell you that if you don’t like one, there are a few dozen more you could try, at least.

Do you want your pregnant character to be experiencing their first birth? Do you want them to be a princess? A horse? Step right up, they’ve got it all.

Maybe it’s encouraging for young girls to work on surgeries, so they can love science. Maybe it’s all a conspiracy to push STEM topics early on, through the most horrifying possible example.

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s meant to bring us all together. After all, who among us can say they were not the result of a mermaid being pragnant?

If pregnancy isn’t your thing, don’t worry. It could always get weirder.