My Soul Mate Is Out To Get Me!

I don’t remember how this came to be, but I have been on the mailing list of Tarot Dot Com for so many years. I’m not even going to link to it, because I never look at the actual site. They send me so many emails, and I just look at them, or just look at the titles, and move on. Sometimes I think, “I can’t believe I haven’t unsubscribed yet,” and then don’t unsubscribe again. It’s been years. It’s a relationship of a sort, I guess. Tarot Dot Com and I are loosely committed to each other. I’m too lazy to get a divorce, and Tarot Dot Com quietly hopes that I never get that hup.

Speaking of unwanted relationships, that’s the subject of approximately 90% of the emails they send me!

Screen capture of Amandoll's email inbox when she searched for tarot dot com emails. The subjects are things like "they've been keeping this from you," "relationship interrupted," "mystery match" and so on.
No, I don’t delete garbage emails, either.

The other ten percent mention such lowly things as career, destiny, luck, the planets interacting with Uranus (which according to them is volatile, excitable, combustible, et cetera). Most of the time it is presented urgently, like Tarot Dot Com has the scoop on my frantic, otherwise unknowable future. Occasionally, they flatter me by admitting that they know I had my suspicions on a matter, and they are here to confirm.

Almost all of it, if it turned out to be true, would make my life worthy of the trashiest, most dramatic reality television programming. In fact, I would say it is a safe bet that the writers of those shows also receive these emails and use them to create plot lines. Sometimes more than three times a day I receive bombshells about chaos and astonishing reversals of fortune that are coming up soon. But mostly, the drama is about relationships.

Insecurity and False Hope co-author these hints from the cosmos and they never give up. They tell me that an ex is thinking about me. They suggest that my current relationship status is in for a rude awakening as all is not what it seems. They have guaranteed that I’m being deceived. They alone know what a certain someone’s true intentions are. Often, I am told that I have a crush, or that someone has a crush on me, as though I am being sent these emails from middle school study hall. They inform me about twice a month that I’m ready to move on. And it seems that every single week, they tell me that my soul mate is out there, ready to find me once and for all, so that we may live happily ever after.

This is an illustration of Amandoll sort of looking behind her in worry. Behind her is a little frantically happy face with a heart over it, barely darker than the purple background.
That is my soul mate materializing out of thin air behind me.

Admittedly, I can understand the angle where they constantly push information on relationships. It seems to me that people who spend money on soothsayers are very interested in their love futures. Sowing seeds of doubt and hope surely is a money maker for Tarot Dot Com. But the moment they throw that old soul mate baloney into the mix, I feel an emotion and it is not a kind emotion.

Sorry to all you heartsick fools who believe in twu wuv, but soul mates aren’t real. It’s an invention by whatever cabal that exists to make sure people are dissatisfied with their lives. Soul Mates are part of that whole set of garbage ideas where “there’s only One for me in this life” “souls are real and paired for some mystical reason” “we can live happily ever after if only we meet” “if we find each other, we will never be sad again” “romance novels are how-to books” “fairytales seem achievable” “I am a princess and I live in a pink castle.” No, I am not cynical!

When I just now tried to do a little research on the subject, I found that there are a lot of defensive articles out there who claim that when they say “soul mate,” they just mean “a healthy relationship.” If that’s what you mean then say that instead! My sneers do not focus on healthy adult relationships, which are achievable and glorious. If you have one of those, I am relieved for you. But I will never in a zillion years agree that your single soul was split into two somewhere in the Great Beyond and you have been reunited on this planet now to live out your days in perfect harmony presumably never to be separated again.

I’ll take this moment to mention that I have been in a healthy relationship for some time now, but this doesn’t matter to Tarot Dot Com. Sorry to everyone emotionally invested in this relationship, including me, but apparently my soul mate is on the way.

Another screen capture of Amandoll's inbox, this time the search included soul mate to group them up. The titles are like, "Your Other Half: They're Getting Close," "You're About To Lock Eyes With Your Soul Mate," "Your Soulmate is En Route."

Tarot Dot Com likes to tell me that my soul mate is searching for me. Sometimes they inform me of this in a fairly aggressive way. Not only is my soul mate out there actively seeking me, but they are just around the corner. They say that a lot. My soul mate is hiding around the edge of a building, waiting to leap out at me. Sometimes they even address my skepticism, calling upon Greek mythology as fact and telling me that the Universe is about to prove me wrong. The Universe can’t wait to shove my soul mate right in my face, because THIS time, they are CLOSER THAN EVER.

It seems far more likely to me that this person the stars have mistaken to be my soul mate is in fact a terrifying stalker who wants to join our souls into one somehow, perhaps by sewing. I’ve known one or two guys in my life who seem to believe in soul mates, or at least in luv so tru that it is obsessive, very frightening, and very suffocating in nature. Luckily, their claws were scrambling towards someone else and I was just hearing about it from them while they lamented over the other person’s concerns. But at least one time I was informed that I “don’t understand what Love is” since I thought they were being a little too intense. If that’s the case, I feel okay about it!

An illustration of two poppets (one is Amandoll and one is C Chris) which have sewn on red X's over the mouths and hearts. The C Chris poppet has a red thread through the eye of a needle and it is implied that the poppets will soon be sewn together.
Intensity is not necessarily sincerity.

Meanwhile, the gals I have known who like the soul mate idea just want a romance novel. But I think Tarot Dot Com is most often telling me that a masculine pronoun is stealthily making his way to my home, checking to see if any of the ground floor windows are open. My soul mate is dedicated to finding me one of these days to make me live the happiest days of my life, no matter what I think of that. I have developed paranoia on this subject.

Soul Mate, please leave me alone!

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